Some parents use parental control apps to monitor their children's online activities and ensure their safety. These apps restrict access to inappropriate websites and apps for children. Control is when parents impose one-sided restrictions on their children's mobile device usage, such as limiting their screen time or blocking certain content. For example, if a parent discovers their child is accessing inappropriate content like pornography, they may forcefully restrict their access to such content.

However, some parents prioritize parental guidance over parental control. They believe in teaching and guiding their children to empower them to stay safe online. These parents engage in open conversations with their children and actively use the internet together. They collaborate with their children to establish screen time rules for the entire family, and most importantly, they abide by these rules themselves. These parents lead by example.

Mr. Aditya Dangol, Mental Health Professional at Happy Minds says, “parental control can be a helpful tool in preventing unwanted mobile device usage, as it allows parents to establish restrictions beforehand and prevent children from engaging in potentially harmful activities. Parental guidance involves not only promoting healthy and safer internet usage but also fostering clear communication and collaboration between parents and children. This approach emphasises the importance of parent-child interaction. The parents and the child work as a team.”

In the case of parental control, limiting a child's freedom can lead to rebellious behaviour, negative emotions, and feelings of frustration and suffocation which can prompt children to engage in problematic mobile device usage (PMU). PMU refers to the inability to control the time spent on smartphones.

Dangol argues, “parental guidance can also lead to problematic mobile device use if not done correctly. For instance, if a child is naturally shy, imposing strict parental control may cause them to further restrict their self-expression and harbour negative emotions towards their parents. Therefore, before implementing parental control or guidance, it is crucial to understand your child's individual needs and tendencies.”

How parental guidance can be effective in guiding children's mobile device usage habits

Dangol insists that the most important thing when it comes to managing children's mobile device usage is having a conversation. Parents often worry about their children using mobile devices excessively or viewing inappropriate content, such as porn. However, in the Nepalese society, these topics are often not discussed before parents’ resort to controlling their children's internet usage. This can cause distress for children because their curiosity is naturally high during adolescence. When parents do not have a conversation about these topics, it can lead children to seek answers on their own and potentially find incorrect information.

Parental guidance involves talking with children about their safer and positive internet usage and the dangers of accessing adult content. Rather than being overly restrictive, parents can provide alternative options such as sex education books or documentaries, which can help children explore their sexuality in a positive and healthy way. Rules should also be set collaboratively with children to avoid building negative emotions. When children are involved in the process, they feel a sense of agency and don't feel their freedom is being hampered.

In practical terms, a child's internet usage can be influenced by emotional neglect or as a way to escape from emotions, where they seek solace or distraction online due to a lack of emotional support in their environment. Additionally, the internet may serve as an avenue for children to escape from overwhelming emotions they may be experiencing. These emotional factors can play a significant role in shaping a child's relationship with the internet and their patterns of online behaviour.

1.     To prevent this, parents can be emotionally available for their children. This does not necessarily mean constantly asking the child what they are doing or how they are feeling. A more effective way to be emotionally available is to engage in activities together. This can include playing games or even doing chores together. This approach is termed as 'following the child's lead' (Source: https://ectacenter.org/).

2.     The second practical strategy to consider is to avoid parental phubbing, which refers to creating a barrier when a child is trying to connect with their parent. This happens when a child wants to interact with their parent, but the parent is preoccupied with their mobile devices. As a result, there is no real human connection, and the child may feel rejected, leading them to resort to mobile devices instead of seeking human connections.

3.     The third practical strategy is using second-generation mobile phones, the feature phones without touchscreens, that is also known as "tuktuke phones." As internet usage is mostly promoted through smartphones, using feature phones at most times, can help limit excessive mobile and internet usage.

Furthermore, it is important to note that children who take smartphones to their bedrooms with them tend to search for inappropriate content and can also have their sleeping cycles disrupted. To mitigate this, it is helpful to encourage internet surfing only on laptops as they are less portable than phones.

Dangol adds, “to some extent, parental control is necessary. It can be challenging to constantly supervise a child's mobile device usage, so it's appropriate to use these apps. However, it's crucial to make the child aware of the parental control app and the reasons why it's being used, including what activities are restricted and the fact that these restrictions will be lifted once they reach a certain age.”

This is where the difference between control and guidance becomes apparent: control involves monitoring everything without the child's knowledge, whereas guidance involves open communication with the child about the use of parental control apps.